Summary: The text discusses the importance of being sincere rather than serious in approaching challenges and life situations. It highlights how adopting a playful and sincere attitude can lead to more enjoyable and effective outcomes. The distinction between finite games (seriousness) and infinite games (sincerity) is emphasized as a way to navigate life’s challenges with a sense of humor and adaptability.
His words jumped out at me. I reflected on the difference between these two modes of being and something shifted. Suddenly, I had a new tool—a lens with which to identify whether a curious, playful approach to challenges might be more effective than tension and struggle. It turns out that you can’t be serious and sincere at the same time. Seriousness precludes sincerity. (View Highlight)
Imagine you’re playing a board game with someone who takes the game too seriously. They’re trying to win and follow the rules to the letter. Eventually, they forget it is just a game that will end and that life goes on regardless of the outcome. When I play games too seriously, I don’t have much fun. Later, once the game is over, I worry that I ruined the fun for others. Being serious turns the game into a drag. Even if I technically “win,” it doesn’t feel that way in the end. (View Highlight)
Consider the alternative stance, one in which you never lose awareness of the fact that it’s just a game. This doesn’t mean you can’t be fully involved in the game itself, playing to the best of your ability and aiming for a particular outcome. That’s what it means to play sincerely—to be engrossed in the experience of the game without taking it too seriously. In my experience, that approach is a lot more fun for everyone involved. (View Highlight)
A finite game, where the goal is to win, can easily become a serious, grave affair, devoid of fun and levity. An infinite game, where the goal is nothing more—or less—than to continue to play, lends itself to sincerity. Confusing an infinite game for a finite game can be a subtle source of suffering in life. (View Highlight)
“We thought of life by analogy with a journey, a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end, and the thing was to get to that end, success or whatever it is, maybe heaven after you’re dead. But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing, and you were supposed to sing or to dance while the music was being played.” (View Highlight)
Think about the qualities a dance would take on if you were to approach it with seriousness. What would your body feel like? How much would you enjoy it? How fluidly would you move, and how responsive would you be to your partner, the music, and the crowd around you? (View Highlight)
It doesn’t—because all of that is still possible through sincerity. The difference between seriousness and sincerity is not how involved you are in the activities of your life, but in how tightly you grip. In fact, I would go even further still: Gripping less tightly can unlock better performance and with much less effort, as I’ve written about before. Simple activities, like playing catch, floating in a pool, or balancing on a beam, require the right amount of effort, but not too much. Otherwise, you start to get in your own way. (View Highlight)
Difficult conversations at work, parenting, writing, and other pursuits suffer when you prioritize the result (the finite game) over the process (the infinite game). If you can cultivate a sense of playfulness within the challenges of life, you might be surprised by what you can accomplish (in both the short and long term). (View Highlight)
